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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Mu

I guess we know the answer to that koan afer all.

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There’s a Bear in my Bed!

One of the many down sides of being overweight is sleep apnea. Each night, I have to put on a face mask and have pressurized air blown into my nose to ensure that I don’t stop breathing while I sleep. Tonight, as I get ready to go to bed, I find this waiting for me. My daughter has put a bear to sleep in my bed and, since the CPAP mask is what you wear if you’re sleeping in my room, she has hooked it up to Mr. Humphrey. And, to make sure he’s comfortable, there’s a friend to keep a close eye on him while he sleeps. My kids have the weirdest sense of humor. I wonder where they get it from?

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Dirty Words

I’ve been a little behind in keeping up with the news lately and was shocked to learn that according to the Florida legislature “uterus” is a dirty word. I know that female anatomy is often a problem for a vast number of conservative lawmakers so I thought I would do my part by providing a list of other words that might be unacceptable to use in polite conversation or the floor of the Florida House of Representatives. Warning: children should not, under any circumstances be allowed to view this list as it may bruise their tender little minds beyond repair.

  • fallopian tube
  • perineum
  • menses
  • mucus
  • ovary
  • cilia
  • alveolus (bonus points if you know this one without having to look it up: if you can’t, check urban dictionary; it’s a bastion of filth)
  • labia
  • uvula
  • retina
  • aureola
  • pubic
  • colon (this one’s extra dirty)
  • abdomen
  • lumbar
  • spleen (I feel dirty just typing that one)
  • patella

Hopefully I haven’t harmed anyone by using all of these horrible words that one can find in any anatomy book. However, in the off-chance I did, I would advise you to avoid any standard book of anatomy and physiology: it’ll melt your eyes right out of their sockets (sorry for using the naughty words “eyes” and “sockets” back there) (oops I just used them again).

In case you’re wondering, I did a little research and did find an illustration that the Florida legislature approved for use in school textbooks in case a child should ever need to learn anything about health and anatomy.

As a further public service, I would like to refer any female readers of this blog to incorporatemyuterus.com for more information on what can be done to combat those who would like to pass laws barring access to quality reproductive health care.

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This is Genius!

I absolutely love this. XKCD is one of the few things that I am compelled to check on every day that it is updated. I missed yesterday’s update and just got around to seeing it. I lauged out loud to the point that I’m glad I’m alone in my cubicle farm today. I would have attracted a lot of attention otherwise. Enjoy and see just how many things you can find on this map that you have actually heard of. I’m far too engaged in the Internet because I pretty much knew everything on here that I saw.

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